


I’m sorry I can’t be sober

by Smugdendingle



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Alcohol Poisoning, Angst, Drinking, M/M, Pain, Set in the future, alcoholic, angst with eventful happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-16 21:51:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16962132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smugdendingle/pseuds/Smugdendingle
Summary: Robert is an alcoholic, has been for months now, one night he writes Aaron a note and leaves their home with bag full of booze.( Sorry for the terrible summary )





	I’m sorry I can’t be sober

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this instead of writing the chapter for my Bipolar fic... 
> 
> This is a sensitive topic and I hope I’ve wrote things correctly, I didn’t exactly want to start from the start of the drinking and I decided I would start writing when everyone knows he is an alcoholic. 
> 
> I’m sorry if this is messy/incorrect, I honestly did not mean to offended anyone. 
> 
> Aaron + Robert been married 3yrs 
> 
> Liv is doing an art course in London for Uni 
> 
> Seb does not exist.

He goes up to their bedroom slightly drunk, it’s not unusual now for this to happen. Hes left the letter on the table for Aaron to read in the morning. 

“ I want to say I’m okay, but I’m not. I can’t be sober anymore. “ he slurs slightly, gently stroking Aaron’s face, few tears dropping into Aaron’s chest. “ I cannot asleep anymore without it. “ he sniffs looking at his husbands sleeping form. “ I’m sorry Aaron. I’m sorry I’ve failed you. I’m sorry I’m not the husband you wanted me to be. I - “ his face crumbles tears falling down his face looking more sober than few seconds ago. “ you don’t have to worry about me anymore okay? You can be happy. Finally happy now. “ he whispers. He kisses Aaron’s cheek, silently moves away. 

Stepping away from Aaron this being the last time he sees him. 

Physically and emotionally letting go of his husband. 

For good. 

:::::

Aaron moves his arm over to his husbands side of the bed, expecting him to be there but only feeling the cold feeling, no sign of warmth. He is used to this happening for few months now, sometimes Robert is in bed, sometimes he is in drunken slumber on the couch. 

He looks over to the bright, red flashing clock on his bedside table, flashing 01:30. 

He sighs, feeling suddenly terrible, knowing his husband has a drinking problem. 

Knowing he is an Alcoholic. 

Aaron doesn’t know what caused Robert to turn to drink, he finds it painful to realise that he doesn’t know what’s wrong with his husband anymore. 

Aaron wonders if he might have some inner demons, maybe that’s why Roberts turned to drink for comfort. 

Not his husband 

He remembers the conversation with him months ago about his drinking, every time his mind wonders to that day he has a massive weight on his chest, making him feel like he can’t breathe and tears well up in his eyes. 

( “ Rob, have you noticed how much your drinking? “ his voice small and hesitant. 

He rolls his eyes annoyed. “ You always drink and people don’t suddenly think your an alcoholic do they? Why I’m I getting all the fucking bother? “ Robert said angrily whilst slurring his words. He was looking at Aaron with a deepened frown on his face. 

“ I don’t drink everyday! I only have 2 pints but you have a lot more! You drink till your drunk and become unconscious! You have a problem. “ Aaron spoke frustrated with his eyes looking sad and his voice cracking. 

Robert huffed shook his head in denial. “ I don’t have a problem. I’m fine! “ 

“ your not and you know that. Your always over working then drink yourself till you don’t know your name. Livs worried about ya, Mum, Vic even Diane about you drinking - “ 

“ Aaron! I don’t have a problem okay?! Leave it. “ he stumbled up and left to go upstairs slightly swaying. 

Aaron watched his husband go he held back a sob, tears dripping down from his eyes, feeling so helpless. ) 

Aaron gets out of bed, mentally shaking himself out of his daze, he goes downstairs to make sure if his husband is okay. 

If he hasn’t accidentally suffocated himself in his sleep. Like the last time - when he was face down against the pillow barely breathing, he didn’t wake up because he was unconscious from the amount of cans of beer he had. 

Aaron automatically looks over to the couch not seeing his husband, he frowns, he looks over to the kitchen, a piece of paper catching his eye on the table. 

He reads it. 

The first few sentences make his heart drop to his stomach, makes his chest tighten till the point he can’t breathe. 

He runs upstairs terrified, getting his phone, the paper tightly held in his right hand nearly ripping from the pressure. He quickly gets his jeans and hoodie throwing them on in a rush, waiting for Robert to pick up his calls. 

“ pick up pick up pick up pick “ he repeats impatiently, waiting for his husband to pick up, a feeling of unease going over him in waves. 

“ come on! Pick up Robert! “ He nearly shouts down the phone, second call going straight to voicemail. 

He panics even more, getting nowhere with contacting his husband. He runs out of the house, keys in hand, going in his car speeding off stones flying in different directions, having no idea where to go. 

:::

After Robert leaving their home, gotten in his car still drunk, he drove and drove and drove till he got to the one place he wanted to be. 

The Quarry. 

Where himself and Aaron flew off the edge all those years ago. 

Where they managed to get out. 

He wonders if his father would be ashamed of him, his bisexual alcoholic son. - 

He keeps the engine running, vision blurring making the moon seem double against the dark sky. He takes big gulps of the whiskey he has in his hand, he doesn’t wince from the strong, burning sensation anymore. 

More than used to it now. 

Hes got another bottle of whiskey with 2 bottles of Vodka and one 6 pack of cans on his seat next to him. He finishes the bottle of the brown liquid, starts on the vodka. He feels his head getting heavy and his eyelids dropping, he can’t think straight anymore. He turns cold, actually no - he is freezing, to the point where he shivers and wants to wrap a blanket around himself.

His eyes start to drop - 

He sees a black cloud cover his vision 

He slips under into the darkness, slips into a unconscious state. 

Last thing he heard was tyres screeching to a stop on the ground behind him 

:::: 

“ Rob! Robert! Wake up! Robert!” Aaron shouted at his husband shaking his barely conscious body. Aaron got his phone out with shaking hands rang an ambulance, they said they’re going to be there soon as they can. 

Which didn’t help him at all because his husband is barley breathing! 

“ Rob please don’t die on me! You promised me till we were eighty! We were meant to grow old together! “ His face crumbles as he sobs loudly over his husbands body. 

Robert stirs a bit, rolls his head slightly towards Aaron, he frowns. “ ... ron?... “ he slurs, voice barley a whisper that quite Aaron nearly didn’t hear it. 

“ Rob it’s gonna be okay, “ Robert’s eyes start to close.  
“ no don’t, don’t go back to sleep the ambulance is coming. Just hold on. “ Aaron speaks frantically holding his husband in a sitting position. 

“ I’m - I’m sorry. “ he whispers. “ ove’ you. “ he slips out as he closes his eyes falling unconscious. 

Aaron shakes him but he isn’t waking anymore, Aaron can hear the sirens in the distance as he shakes him even more.  
“ Rob they’re here! Just hold on okay? Don’t give up! You wanted messed up forever! You wanted to stay with me till eighty or something, stick to your word! “ his voice breaks. 

::::

“ Mr Sugden - Dingle’s family? “ The doctor says in the waiting room. 

Aaron stands up quickly walks over to him. “ Yes, what’s wrong with him? “ 

The doctor smiles gently. “ Your Mr Sugden - Dingles husband? “ he nods. “ let’s talk somewhere private. “ they walk to Robert’s room and stand next to his door.  
“ Mr - “ 

Aaron interrupts him. “ Robert. Call him Robert. “ 

He smiles gently. “ Robert has suffered alcohol poisoning, we have pumped his stomach and now he is sleeping. There was not any problems but we are little concerned with him being underweight for a man his size and age. “ 

Aaron nods his head, knowing how Robert’s thinner now than 4 months ago. “ I have noticed he’s lost weight but he can never put it on. “ 

The Doctor looks hesitant.  
“ Does Robert have a drinking problem? Or has he had any mental health problems? This might be attempted suicide. “ 

Aaron’s face crumbles tears falling off his jaw. “ He does have a problem with alcohol. “ 

“ How long for? “ 

“ Few months. “ Aaron says heavily. 

“ do you know when this started? “ He asks. 

“ Back in January. His work was getting stressful and he couldn’t sleep properly because of the stress, so, he started to have beers and spirits which obviously turned worse. “ Aaron said regretfully, feeling stupid for not doing anything sooner. 

Remembering when his mum told him that something is terribly wrong.  
( “ Love, Have you noticed how much Robert is drinking? “ she said concerned. 

“ of course I have! But he never listens to me anymore. “ he says sadly. 

“ why is he drinking like this? He was never a massive drinker anyway. “ she asks confused. 

He shrugs his shoulders. “ I know. His work has been stressful and I think he couldn’t cope. “ 

“ and now he’s dependent on alcohol to help himself through the day. “ she fills Aaron in sadly. 

Aaron nods his head slowly feeling hollow. 

“ What’s Liv said? “ she asks. 

“ She was confused and then worried bout’ him she was going to come up from London to just knock sense into em’. “ he smiled softly. “ even she said he’s never been dependent on alcohol either. “ 

Chas nods her head understanding. “ he needs help love. “ 

“ i know. “ he says heavily. Both of them sharing a glance at each other when they spot Robert stumble to the bar asking for another larger. ) 

The doctor nodded his head.  
“ How much would he have? “ 

“ He would get home at 17:00 Ish till he drank himself to sleep. “ Aaron’s voice broke. 

“ Which time would it be? If you can remember? It’s okay if you can’t. “ He spoke gently. 

Aaron stuffed his feet started playing with his wedding ring as a comfort. “ I - I think about 23:00 or something “ 

He nodded his head. “ How much would he have? “ 

“ I don’t exactly know but there would be lots of cans with one bottle of Vodka or Whiskey on the floor. “ 

“ Okay. With what you told me I am certain he has a drinking problem but I can’t force Robert to admit he has a problem. I can recommend rehab centres for him or counselling. “ He said. 

“ I’ve been trying to get him to stop but he won’t. I don’t know how to help him. “ He sniffs and wipes his eyes with his sleeve. 

“ It can be hard for a loved one to admit something, but you just need to talk to him. When he admits he has a problem he can get in touch with the clinics. But you can’t force him because it is his choice. “ the doctor said firmly. 

Aaron nodded his head. 

::: 

Robert was laying on the hospital bed with a intravenous drip on his right arm, and he had a tube down his throat, apparently it was helping him breathe more better. Aaron sat down after the conversation with Robert’s Doctor, it had been 20 minutes he’d been sitting on the plastic chair staring at Robert. He didn’t even realise he’d been daydreaming, and also because he didn’t know what to say. 

What do you say to your unconscious husband laying in bed with a tube down his throat? 

Aaron sighed, moving closer to Robert gripping his hand tighter and gently kissed his knuckles, noticing his wedding ring is slightly lose. More tears come to Aaron’s eyes as he blinks them away, he clears his throat. 

“ Why did you do this Rob? Why weren’t you happy? Why did you turn to drink than talk to your own husband? “ Aaron speaks angrily to Robert, so many questions to be answered.  
“ We’ve been married 3 years! And you didn’t think you could talk to me? I’ve always spoken to you about all my issues but you can’t do the same to me? “ he frowns. “ you’ve been drinking for months, you’ve been drinking and drinking not caring about anything you used to love. You’ve stopped saying I love you to me. “ his voice breaks tears falling down his face. “ We haven’t been close anymore, not like we used to before. “ he shakes his head and blows out a breath. “ I just want my husband back, I want the man I fell in love with not this man who drinks himself unconscious and just hates the world. “ he says so desperately whilst sounding so broken, he can’t hold back the sobs anymore, he lets it out, crying against his husbands arm. 

After moments of letting his emotions out he can barely see through his eyes, with them stinging and puffy. He sees Robert’s hand twitch and honestly? It’s the best thing Aaron’s seen, his husband is waking up. 

“ Rob your in hospital. “ Aaron says to Robert whos panicking trying to get the tube out of his throat. “ Okay just hold on I’ll get the nurse. “ He says quickly rushes out of the room shouts for a nurse and doctors. 

:::: 

Robert was okay he could go home tomorrow but today he was told to rest in hospital, they still needed to keep an eye on him. The doctor, ( who spoken to Aaron,) told Robert he could get help with his addiction, he’d given Robert leaflets for rehab centres and/or counselling. But Robert refused the help which made the doctor have a sympathetic look on his face as Aaron felt his chest go tight with anger, sadness and lost of hope. 

After the doctor left, the two men sat in uncomfortable silence, Robert felt somewhat awkward because Aaron had a unreadable expression on his face. “ Aaron - “ He said hesitantly. 

“ You are stupid you know that?” Aaron said angry looking at his husband, hands in fists, chest heaving. 

Robert looked at him confusingly with a frown.  
“ what? “ 

“ The doctors are offering you help and what? You just deny it? Carry on drinking and forgetting you had alcohol poisoning only yesterday! Don’t want you want help? Or would you rather have a early grave? “ Aaron was rising his voice as he paced the bottom of the hospital bed. 

Robert looked guilty as tears were welling up in his eyes, he started playing with the end of the blanket as he looked at his upset husband. ‘ Now look what you’ve done. Always a failure.’ Robert thought to himself. 

“ I’m sorry. “ his voice broke as he started to silently cry. “ I want to stop but I can’t. I don’t want to go to some clinic that’ll just judge me. “ his voice cracking. 

Aaron’s face softened he moves over to his husband sits on the edge of the bed, gently stroking his arm. “ They are there to help ya Rob, why would they judge you if they’re there to help people? “ he asks gently sounding little bit confused. 

Robert shrugs his shoulders not knowing what to say. “ I’m sorry.” 

“ If your sorry then you’ll get help. “ Aaron said firmly going for tough love. 

“ I don’t think I can. I can’t stop I need it all the time. I’m too far gone! “ he breaks out in a cry putting his head against his knees. It breaks Aaron’s heart in two seeing his husband like this, he looks like a little lost boy in the hospital bed. 

“ Rob your not too far gone okay? Never say that, I’ll be here with you holding your hand and supporting you. “ 

“ you’ll leave eventually. “ 

“ no I won’t, I can’t. I love you too much to let you slowly kill yourself. Please just get help, I want my husband back, Liv and Vic want their brother back. We need you Rob. “ Aaron says tears falling down his face with his voice cracking. 

Robert clings to Aaron tighter his necks wrapping around Aaron’s neck gently. “ I’m sorry I’m a disappointment. “ he muffled in the crook of Aaron’s shoulder. 

“ No your not. You’ve just got a bit lost and now you just need to be put back on the right path. “ he says kissing Robert’s shoulder gently. 

“ I love you. “ 

Tears fall down Aaron’s face and grips Robert tighter. “ I love you too. “ 

They sit in silence for while before Aaron says the one thing thats been on his mind since he found Robert in husband car.  
“ when are you - “ 

“ Tomorrow. I’ll tell you tomorrow. “ Robert said pushing his head further against Aaron’s chest. Aaron nods and gently kisses the top of Robert’s head. 

He is determined to know why Robert went out in the middle of the night drank himself to the point he ended up in hospital. 

Both men lay down together snuggling each other, the first time in months they have been close to one and another. They fall asleep holding each other waiting for the next few months for the rehabilitation to start. But one thing Robert is sure of Aaron will be there by his side through all the ups and downs.


End file.
